One Drink, One Drunk

Well all has been peachy keen up until last week: the meal plans were more on the starchy side (still on plan, but dinner had starch every night) and the produce was chemical laden.  My energy levels slowly went down.  Did I mention I've been skipping breakfast?

Saturday the man's kid came to visit for the weekend and really wanted banana bread.  I found a decent recipe online and whipped some up.  And I partook.  Not a huge deal but the recipe had a half cup of sugar and a cup and a half white flour.  After the first piece I didn't care how much more I ate and ended up eating three good size portions.

I came to my senses, I thought, the next day when I turned down fresh chocolate cake when visiting my niece. And I skipped lunch.

The next night I was logy and when the man left to take his kid back to her mother's, something came over me and I attacked the stash of chocolate in the closet I had bought for my nieces birthday party.  I felt possessed.  The same possession I was familiar with for many years... the same possession I get when I'm craving a cigarette.  And I can't just have one.

I ate about ten snack size chocolate bars, even after feeling full and sick halfway through this binge.  I was crazed.  I felt horrible, physically and mentally.  I felt like a failure because I expected to be more immune to this trap after five weeks on Eat To Live.

I have since forgiven myself, but fell into another old trap today - fasting after a binge to make up for it.  My intentions were good, in face they were the same intentions I've had most days lately when skipping breakfast - to let my body digest as much as it can before I shove more in there.  Give it a change to heal as much as possible. I still have no idea if that is a smart thing to do, but I have a feeling that if I hadn't been skipping breakfast so much, I would have been less vulnerable to temptation.

This experience has taught me at a.)food addiction is no different than addiction to drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes and if I have one, I have to be extra diligent because an addict can't just have one.  Once its in my system, I will go through withdrawal and want more.  I need to remember this and save my guilty pleasures for when they really count; b.)Even the littlest amount of starch/grains effects me - I tend to feel much better without it, so I need to try to spread dinners with starch in them farther apart; c.)skipping a meal on a regular basis might not be the best idea.  I haven't been eating enough and I have to remember that more of the ETL foods is better than less;  d.)keeping temptation in the home if it's not absolutely necessary, is just asking for trouble.  Don't do this anymore!

So I'm taking my lessons and continuing anew.  I'm on the last of week of the six week trial and want to finish it successfully.  I don't plan on stopping there, of course, as I can say without a doubt that just the change in my energy levels and sleep, this is worth sticking to.